


Until It's All Gone

by pretty_weeper



Series: Queerantine Hour Fics [4]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Emotional Hurt, Everyone Is Alive, Hurt No Comfort, Kenma cries, Kozume Kenma is Bad at Feelings, Kuroo Tetsurou is Bad at Feelings, Kuroo cries, M/M, Sad Ending, kinda beta read?, kuroo leaves kenma, theres a lot of crying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-15 21:35:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29814738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pretty_weeper/pseuds/pretty_weeper
Summary: i wrote this with a discord server
Series: Queerantine Hour Fics [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2131497
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	Until It's All Gone

Kenma loved Kuroos touch, no matter how small it was it meant the world to him and always brought him peace. Never failing to fill him with serotonin. Except this time, it filled him with dread and sadness, feeling Kuroos touch slip away for the last time.

-

"Please just hold me tight and don't kiss me good bye.." Kenma murmured holding the taller man close, knowing that when he let go it would be the last time he would be able to do this. 

Kuroo was silent, unable to say that could do that. He drew back, never meeting Kenma's eye, "I have to go." He said, voice even. 

Did it even care? Did he not care that he was leaving Kenma alone? Were all of those previous touches and words of reassurance nothing to him? Was it all fake?

Kenma closed his eyes but didn't cry "don't make this the last time-" his voice was quiet and wavered slightly

Kuroo tensed as the younger held him tightly "Kenma-" he paused "i have to go..."

Kenma dug his nails into Kuroos shirt "no- no you're not aloud to leave me Kuro-" everything about this moment killed Kenma a little inside

"I have to leave, Kenma..." Kuroo said, "Theres no choice in this. The sooner you let go the easier it'll be." 

Kenma shook his head, silence hung in the air for a long moment. Slowly, the younger let go of Kuroo. "Fine. Leave-" He whispered, knowing that if he spoke louder his voice would start to shake uncontrollably, "Did you ever care about me in the first place?" 

"Kenma-"

"Please just answer..."

Kuroo was silent _i do but i don't know how to put it into words _"no... no i didn't" it hurt for the words to come out, the lie would now haunt him until then.__

__Kenma was quiet, tears stinging at the corner or his eyes "oh" was all he could manage to say. He stepped back, refusing to look at Kuroo_ _

__"Kenma..." he watched as the younger turned around to leave "Kenma dont be like this-"_ _

__Kenma stopped for a moment but didn't turn back, "You're the one who wanted me to let go in the first place." He managed to keep his voice steady. It all hurt, although none of the pain was physical, it hurt more than a parasite slowly killing a person. On second thought, he would've preferred that over this._ _

__Unlovable Kozume Kenma, such a fool he was to think someone would actually care about him._ _

__"Goodbye Kuroo."_ _

__Kuroo turned his head as he heard the train come _im so sorry Kenma_ he picked up his bags as he got on. He refused to cry until he was alone. Which wouldn't be for a few hours_ _

__Kenma took out his phone and looked at Kuroos contact, he quickly deleted the number as small tears fell down on to the screen. He repeated the action with all of Kuroos accounts, blocking them all with frustration. Was it too much to ask for someone to stay by his side and to care?_ _

___What if he tries to contact me later?_ Kenma thought, then laughed softly. _He won't..._ He was truely alone. The introverts dream supposedly. To be left alone, in their head, their thoughts... _ _

__Thoughts..._ _

__They weren't pleasant. Was it Kenma's fault Kuroo left? Was there something that he could've done to prevent this? There surely was, right? Where did he fall short? What could he have done better-_ _

__The thoughts terrorized him like a never ending nightmare. He wanted it to stop. He didnt want to be alone_ _

__Kenma reached out- to what he didn't know. He knew no one would be there, he was truly alone. Kuroo wouldn't return, and why would he? Why did Kenma ever even believe that someone would care for him, that someone like _him_ would care for Kenma. He felt betrayed, but deep down he forced himself to not be mad at the other. It was his fault anyway, wasn't it? Kenma himself believed his lies, and there was no one to blame for it other than the person looking back at him through a cracked of pain and sorrow._ _

__Kuroo didn't mean to hurt Kenma, he didn't want to lie, but he did to protect himself from the pain of getting attached more. He stared out the train window with tear stained cheeks. He closed his eyes and crossed his arms holding his bag to his chest._ _

__His hands reached to a keychain that hung loosely off the bag. Turning it towards him he offered a sad smile. Two figures could be seen underneath a thing layer of glass, the keychain had been worn out. the picture's shading was off and the colours didn't fit it's original state. But still Kuroo held it close, it reminded him of the better times._ _

__But he knew- those times were over. Kenma hated him now, and he couldn't ever forgive himself for that. With pain turning quickly into numbness he ripped the keychain off. Throwing it as far as he possibly could. The action all but broke the glass, destroying the sight of a smiling Kenma, something Kuroo knew he wouldn't ever see again._ _

__Kenma stood at the corner of two streets he didn't recognize, all he knew was that he wasn't near Nekoma anymore. He put his headphones in to drown out the world around him. The charm on the bracelet he wore jingling slightly. It was a thin band with a bell on it, a joke gift Kuroo has gotten him for his 18th. That wasn't even a year ago and yet it felt so distance._ _

__Kenma came to a stop. He pulled his headphones out and stilled completely. The bracelet followed his movements, the jingling sound deafened him. He wasn't sure if it was still actually making noise, all he could focus on was the pain that came with it. The pain of the harsh memories, the one of better times that were stripped away like snow melted on a warm day._ _

__Kuroo regretted throwing the keychain, he really did, but it was for the best. Every part of his body ached, he missed Kenma already, despite how much he needed to protect himself. He got off of the train at the first stop, he didn't know where he ended up, he didn't have a plan. He just knew he had to put distance between him and Kenma._ _

__Kenma looked at the bracelet, it hurt to wear it but it would hurt more to take off. He remembered the day Kuroo showed up to his house early in the morning, that night he confessed- he told kuroo he loved him- kuroo didn't say it back. Kuroo had told him that he was straight, the first lie, then it became more frequent the lying._ _

__The lying became almost unhealthy, he knew this, they both knew this. So why didn't they bring it up? Why did Kenma let Kuroo continue to lie about everything. Why did Kuroo not tell Kenma the truth in the first place?_ _

__Kuroo lied so he didn't hurt Kenma, and yet he still did. He hurt the person he cared for the most, he hurt the person he loved after trying to protect him. He stared at his feet with a sad gaze as he walked, _i didn't want to hurt you__ _


End file.
